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There's something cavalier about people who are open and honest about children.

For example, the former grade school teacher turned stand-up comedian. Little did she know that dealing with snotty-nosed runts would prove to be a treasure trove of comedy gold. Louis C.K. joking about a horrible child in his daughter's class and the sniveling mother that made him that way. The parents on Reddit.com who find humor in the lot they drew when reproducing. There seems to be this necessity to think that children are forever perfect. And that parents will always be proper caregivers. What a fantasy.

I recall one day in my tutorial the discussion went around the table about what people needed to do to be happy. My professor began by stating that one needed to find the child within as the key. What ensued was a circle-jerk about how children are innocent and inherently good and adorable and perfect and they are content with the simplest of things and we should all learn from them. Was it not Jesus who said, "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven" (Matt 18:3). Well, well, well. It was evident that all they were trying to do was repeat what he was saying so that he might bestow upon them some kind of praise. It seemed to me, however, that these people neither spent more than 10 minutes with a young child nor did they ever consider what a child is: a little person. I know I have not missed the point but let's just go with this. I was always, always made perfectly aware that I was a horror as a child. And so, if I were to look back and take a lesson for my child-self, what would I learn. The only way to get what you want is to cry and scream until people want to shut you up with buying you things that you don't need and will throw away in a matter of days. When I see things on television infomercials, I will simply assume that I absolutely need them and I thankfully am over the age of 18. Someone else will always clean you up when you defaecate all over yourself and others. You can never have enough pens and by consequence, your pencil case can never be too big. Hit people if they don't listen to you. Who ever needed nap time? Clearly someone whose guardian packs them an organic lunch void of high fructose corn syrup. Make someone else on the playground your bitch or you might get cut. When watching movies, only remember the curse words and shout them out at the most inappropriate times. When all of the kids in your grade mature much faster than you, you will never win until you grow boobs eventually. These nuggests of wisdom among many others my child-self would tell me how to achieve happiness or at least keep your head above water. I was not generally a happy kid, some reasons were entirely valid and some were not.

Sure, this argument is facetious. But it's nonsense to look at life this way.


And I'll save my rant for awful parenting when I'm in better humor.